My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
