I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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