the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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