Porn is love you can see.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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