My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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