So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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