Tell her she can't have a vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
