you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
