youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
