whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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