I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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