Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
