A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
