apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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