So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
