third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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