ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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