No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
