Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The best revenge is premature balding
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
