take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
