I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
