Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
