my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
