I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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