i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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