you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
