I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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