She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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