it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
