I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
