So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
