This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
