He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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