you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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