and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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