The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
