grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize