Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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