she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
