Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
