Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
