Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
