By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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