I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
