is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
