theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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