Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
