What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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