I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
