ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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