So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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