I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
