Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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