i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
