So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
