When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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