I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
