im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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