well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
