Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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