and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
