a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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