She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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