She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we're making bets on your personal life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
