Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize