i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't deserve a penis
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
