i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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