So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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