Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
