A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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