I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The air was thick with penises
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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