evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
