My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
