Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
