We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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