I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize