tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
