I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
