Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize