it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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