just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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